The internal Narrative

How do we discern the right path from the wrong one? Honestly, it seems that no one can truly know until they’ve traversed that path themselves. It’s only in retrospect, looking back at the trail we've left, that we gain some perspective on whether our journey was right or wrong. Yet, even this hindsight isn't infallible, as our minds often work tirelessly to justify our past actions, regardless of their nature. So, the question arises anew: how do we ascertain the right path? Regardless of our choices, we inevitably find ourselves rationalizing their righteousness. But there’s an aspect that remains more challenging to dismiss: The narrative.

The narrative is a critical element, not as easily justified as individual mistakes or events. It shapes our self-perception, our sense of self-worth, and our interactions with the world. If your narrative casts you as the hero, then every action, good or bad, finds its justification. Conversely, if your narrative is that of a loser, even significant achievements can seem meaningless. A few months back, I penned a quote that encapsulates this notion: "Every morning we wake up and tell ourselves a story, either a story of a warrior or a story of a victim, and it is this story that decides how successful and satisfied we are going to be in our lives." Imagine yourself as a warrior, fighting against all odds to achieve your dreams. In contrast, if your self-spun narrative is that of a victim, even the greatest opportunities may appear as burdens. Breaking free from a victim mentality is arduous, which is why many remain entrenched in a life of perpetual complaints. So, is it possible to justify our actions to forge a powerful narrative? Yes and, once achieved, you’ll discover profound satisfaction. Otherwise, you’ll continue to wander the vast seas of narratives, seeking peace and contentment. 

Here's my personal narrative: I was once a naive boy, clueless about the world, money, and skills. Yet, I transformed my life in ways I couldn't even dream of. From being the least knowledgeable in the room to the most well-read, from a social weakling to a masterful observer and storyteller. I went from failing to get into IIT to earning an advanced master's from a Top 50 university. My journey took me from struggling with English to becoming a poet and writer, from fear of speaking to eloquent articulation. From confusion in electronics class to expertise in AI. From a directionless, lazy individual to one of complete self-discipline, making scientific discoveries. From public speaking anxiety to presenting at the world's number one university in Computer Science. From longing to play guitar to composing my own music. From physical weakness to athletic fitness, surpassing most of my peers. From being dominated all the time to becoming the dominator. From being arrogant asshole to embracing humility and kindness. And perhaps most significantly, from extrovert to almost introvert. 

Can you see the arc? I revolutionized every aspect of my life. In doing so, the narrative I’ve crafted grants me immense confidence and strength to stand tall on my own. Overcoming obstacles and feeling victorious against adversity shapes our narrative and, ultimately, how we view ourselves.

Now the thing we must understand about narratives is that we can't build a good narrative without adversity. Just like every hero or warrior needs a good villain, a good narrative needs difficulties. Imagine a pretty girl, who has been treated like a queen all her life; she might not be egoistic, and fully emphatic towards her peers and friends, yet there is a very good chance that she will turn bitter at the first sign of trouble or bad behavior in this case. Since she never saw the filth of the world, she acted out of her naivety, not out of actual goodness. Character can't be built without adversity. I have personally seen this behavior so many times, people acting out super nice because they are scared to look bad in front of others.

There are three stages of narratives: The first stage is Naivety, one where everyone treats you in a good way and protects and shells you from any danger and encountering demons. This is the motherly narrative, protecting her child, from the outside world, but that protection is the real killer, the one that kills your future self, never letting them become the person they are meant to be. The hardest thing is to let go of your naivety and accept your own foolishness and the most kind people operate in this stage. The second stage is Cynicism, where once betrayed in the past, you look at everything as negative and doubt the intention of people all the time. You somehow can't seem to appreciate anything, a very common thing observed after breakups. And third stage is Realization, when you genuinely see beauty in the world. Most people have never entered the stage of realization. For most, goodness and kindness is a social transaction, they are good because people are good to them. The moment someone cheats on them, can they still say good things about them or even forgive them, most of us can't do that. That's why I say, the narratives we have is often of either Naivety or Cynicism, never of Realization. Building the Realization narrative requires a lot of internal fights and a warrior mindset.

To illustrate my point about people's situational kindness and niceness, let me narrate a small story from my personal life. Once I head down to my kitchen and see Julie (names have been changed). I ask her, "Hey Julie, what are you doing?" She responds, "I'm making a cake for a friend's birthday." I feel bad for a moment, realizing that no one has put so much effort into my birthday. After a moment of pause, I say, "Your friends are lucky to have a friend like you, you are such an angel." But in an uninterested tone, she says, "I don't want to make this cake, nor am I interested in going to that party. I barely know this person, and yet I'm stuck here making a cake for her."

Having shared the same apartment with Julie for more than a year, I can confidently say that she was one of the nicest and most caring person in a house of 23. Often, she would take up others' cleaning duties as well. However, this kindness and niceness stem from her being scared—too scared to get into people's bad books. People keep up this facade for so long because they are really afraid of being judged in a bad light, their minds can't accept them being bad, to the extent that this facade becomes their personality. But a facade can only work for a certain time. They will keep playing this game of being nice, subconsciously, until their own lives become hell, and then they will break your heart. And I know they don't do all this out of malice; it's just that they want to be in everyone's good book. But that's not possible, and in trying to do so, someone or the other ends up getting hurt. It would have been better if they were more truthful about their feelings from the start; at least the other person would not be hurt as badly. It's the expectation that makes us feel bad; the bigger the expectation, the bigger the heartbreak. These naive people, who are super nice and lack the capacity to be bad, hurt you the most. Why? Because they were scared to make you feel bad, they played the game, and eventually, when the chips were down, they broke your heart so badly. This is just one example; I've seen many such instances of super nice people setting up extremely high expectations in others' minds and then falling short in delivering them. Niceness born out of anything except courage will always end badly in a lousy situation. So, the reason I narrated this story is to tell you that people lack narrative, and they have never fought adversity. That's why situations keep controlling them rather than they fighting their own battles and feeling that sense of achievement. The taste of beating your demons is the only thing that will reveal your true character and create a heroic narrative for you. So, go ahead and fight your demons, build genuine niceness and a narrative. Don't let the world and situations dictate your behavior. A girl who was treated like a queen all her life will feel terrible when the facade fades, and a beggar who made even a small transformation in their life through hard work and beating the odds will feel like a king. The life ledger is balanced: an unattractive person might work so hard and see themselves transforming their lives, becoming proud of the person they've become. On the other hand, someone who gained unearned recognition for their beauty might lose all their confidence and feel terrible after a certain point. You don't become a hero because someone shouted your name, or you had money, or you were incredibly attractive and had potential partners courting you all your life; you become a hero by working your tail off, beating all the demons, and making all the sacrifices. Everything will feel like the right decision if you transform your life in the end. We need to strive really hard to make our internal world beautiful, and it takes patience and courage to do so. You need to sacrifice comfort. All those people whom you considered better than you will seem insignificant once you start fighting with your inner narrative and not the outside world. All the parties missed, all the sleepless working nights, all the weekends spent on solving something big or creating something new, all the times when others were partying and you were coding all night, all the times when others were on vacation and you were working seven days a week. All the times when others didn't even work honestly in good health, and you were working even in sickness. All this will feel incredibly rewarding. If it doesn't feel hard, really hard, there is no transformation, there is no narrative. Struggle is beautiful. Keep hustling, keep fighting, keep learning, and keep making the world a better place, both internally and externally.