LOVE In Ideal World

It's been nearly two weeks since I returned to India, and the contrast between my life here and in Europe is striking. In India, I see everyone caught up way too much in the world of Maya—endless interactions, relationships, responsibilities, and distractions. Despite having a rich tradition of spiritual practices, only a few tread there. Now I truly understand why the yogis and siddhas retreat to quiet places.

A quiet retreat is not only necessary for yogis but even for us to understand our own flawed behavior. A constant hustle and distraction keep us away from exploring the intellectual depths and fostering good relationships with people around us, especially the romantic ones.

Lately, I’ve hardly thought about god, a stark departure from my routine in the West where spiritual thoughts punctuate my day amid boredom and work. Here, distractions steal the space that once held bhakti songs, spiritual musings, and the yearning to be near Rama. It's both amusing and intriguing—how my mind gravitates toward different themes in different environments. So, what happens when you move away from distractions? The first thing to enter your life will be discipline, followed by calmness and depth like never before. 

This article is not about god; it’s about people, love, and relationships. See, we all agree that in order for us to really love someone, we need to know them up close and personal. So, how do I reveal my truth to others, or do I even need to? I feel myself at a crossroads, no one has seen my vulnerabilities, except one. The only person who saw it can barely follow what I usually say; apparently, I'm too intelligent for her. I guess it's OK, that's what life usually is. Perhaps my understanding of love, shaped by all my readings, has been misguided. Even the authors of those books may never have truly experienced love. Maybe such love only exists in an ideal world—the kind of love shared between Rumi and Shams, where physical intimacy isn’t even a topic of conversation, a love so profound that you ride its high until the end.

Love unfolds in stages. As I explore it more deeply, I realize that most people have a very surface-level understanding of this deeply complex topic. Their journey stops at fun and social validation, never reaching the intellectual intimacy that love can offer. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that, but once you glimpse other possibilities, you naturally want to explore them. I often ask people how they choose their partners and what their journey is like, and at best they can answer about the trip they took together or what they did for each other, it never goes to a point where they can talk about their own evolution as a human being. Most relationship I observe seems completely devoid of any self-improvement at a fundamental level. 

Love teaches you more about yourself than your partner. It should ignite feelings and thoughts you’ve never experienced before. But even obsession or pure sexual drive can put you in an altered state of mind, but the latter rarely leads to self-revelation. Someone told me today that people don't change no matter what. It is true, because they never discover love, they can have all the relationships they want, but love is hard to come by and even harder to bring real changes. Most relationships become comfortable spaces for validation, but love goes far beyond comfort, even transcending suffering, as in the case of Victor E. Frankl, a doctor who survived Nazi concentration camps.

I feel like I’ve skipped several stages of love, leaping straight into what I now believe is a more evolved version. Perhaps I’m delusional about my progress. Whenever I ponder the ideal couple’s love, my mind wanders to what a relationship should look like at forty. Young love, though enticing and full of passion, often feels superficial and fragile. It burns bright but doesn’t last long.

I’m not dismissing young love—it might just be a stepping stone to something deeper. Yet here I stand, wondering if I need to revisit the initial steps I once breezed through. Maybe I should climb those stairs again, this time with someone who truly walks alongside me. And by then, the scenery might have changed entirely. Instead of tulips, I might see roses. Or perhaps I’ll come to cherish the simple beauty of all flowers rather than fixating on one. I believe that’s what dissolving the ego is about: pure observation without discrimination.

I need to learn how to take those first cautious steps again. I once jumped ahead, relying on intellectual maturity, but in a relationship, you can’t leave your partner behind. People are inherently flawed; if they haven’t experienced suffering, how can they fully understand love and hope? They often know relationships only from movies and gossip, which dictate what a couple should be, what goals to have, and what fun looks like. Yet life is much more than these distractions and validations.

We rarely discuss purity in romantic relationships; instead, we’re captivated by gossip. Real romance is tricky to navigate—it demands balance and openness. Despite living together and sharing everything, most people never experience love. At best, they settle into an adjustment. But if you’re genuinely absorbed in love, it won’t feel like adjustment; you’ll naturally align with what the relationship requires.

Love calls for devotion, submission, empathy, and patience. Outside criticisms and petty arguments fade away when you’re truly immersed in love. You come to know your truth without needing social validation. I’m not saying we should ignore constructive criticism, but it’s essential to set boundaries about what to accept and what to dismiss. Ultimately, love isn’t about checking off items on a bucket list. Imagine finishing every item on your list—does that mean your life or relationship is over? Then why do we search for partners with a checklist rather than envisioning what we can build together? Love isn’t just an emotion; it’s a state of mind. Lucky are those who can find someone to navigate the complex tapestry of the world of love, romance, suffering, and hope.

So, tell me, are you in love or just in a relationship?