We somehow can't choose what's right for us

A few weeks ago, while in Greece, an unexpected flight delay happened; I pulled up my earphones and started listening to a lecture on god by JP. As he delved into the mysteries of God, I found myself overcome with emotion; while my friend who was sitting beside me was enjoying his memes, I moved to tears. You may be wondering right now, why am I talking about my crying experience? I share this to talk about my deep realization that day and lay the foundation for this blog.

For the first time in my life, I grasped the essence of why Jesus is considered divine. JP's words resonated: "Who can truly be a Christian if not Christ himself?" But what does it even mean to be Christian? Why is Christ perceived as the only true Christian? The underlying message is profound: to tread the path of absolute righteousness so deeply that you'd lay down your life for the idea. The pain of not grasping the true nature of God surpasses all other sufferings. Christ's unwavering commitment to righteousness exemplifies this. While many of us identify as Christians, Hindus, or followers of other faiths, embodying true righteousness is a challenge. Our only hope is that we keep returning to the path of righteousness despite our regular failings. It's not some magical power but the ability to consistently walk the path of righteousness that ascends a human to divine status, whether it's Christ or figures like Socrates. God is not an entity but an idea because only an idea can be pure, and whoever can follow it in all moments of their life, good or bad, automatically becomes the god. God represents an unwavering faith, a conviction so powerful that one would sacrifice even one's life for it.

Now, coming back to our title, determining what's right for us is rarely straightforward. This ambiguity arises primarily because our understanding of righteousness is often clouded. All of us, in one way or another, want clarity of thought. For instance, often, right before your results are out, you are most anxious. We don't like states where things can go completely haywire. A little bit of surprise is good, but it leads to extreme frustration and anxiety beyond a certain point. Before diving deeper, we must first question: how do we discern what's truly beneficial for us? Today's 'right' might lose relevance in a week or a month. What brings immediate joy, like drugs, might jeopardize our health, while something enticing, such as a toxic relationship, could be detrimental in the long term.

So, how do we distinguish the transiently right from the perennially right? A potential guidepost is delaying gratification. If something brings immediate joy without effort, it might not be in our best interest. Yet, even with such a guide, it remains daunting to sift the right from the wrong. Many experiences perceived as positive can harm our mental well-being, while seemingly traumatic experiences often endow us with resilience and invaluable life lessons. 

For example, the distressing episodes of ragging during my undergraduate years, which felt harsh at the time, retrospectively seem pivotal in breaking my protective barriers. I'm not endorsing such practices, but it's worth noting the transformative power of adversity. Why? Because true appreciation of success and genuine gratification emerge from overcoming challenges. The realization that you've battled and triumphed brings profound satisfaction.

Are we becoming less adept at finding happiness and discerning what's right? We are, and the rampant comparison driven by social media is a major factor. Decades ago, even those less educated found solace and guidance in moments of introspection, turning to their faith for moral grounding at their local places of worship. However, today, many have replaced these spiritual sanctuaries with bars and clubs. The prevailing mindset is one of self-acceptance without reflection, relying solely on the idea that a benevolent deity will absolve all wrongs. Instead of seeking redemption, many place their faith in unwavering divine mercy. In our pursuit of inclusion, we've distanced ourselves from the concept of repentance. It's the repentance and realization of wrongdoings that makes you a good human. 

What's considered moral nowadays? Everything is moral as long as it aligns with individual happiness. Our contemporary society often struggles to recognize the path of righteousness or even engage in moral deliberation. The shift from churches and temples to more secular venues might be one of the most ill-advised transformations of the 21st century. This isn't a religious edict but rather an observation of the current state of the human psyche and the resultant suffering. All I'm trying to present here is that god is nothing but your conscience that makes you suffer or feel blissful. Never have I met a person who is deeply satisfied with a corrupt moral and at ease with malice in their hearts.

The irony of life is its inescapable nature of cause and effect. Regardless of one's stance on morality, actions, moral or otherwise, will yield consequences—often profound and unexpected. While some may feign indifference to ethical considerations, the weight of morality is unyielding. It ensures accountability, and when repercussions arise, many remain perplexed by their origins. Every action, moral or not, shapes our future and determines our peace or suffering.`

The clearest manifestation of our inability to choose what's right is glaringly evident in our romantic choices. From a woman's perspective—because, often, men aren't the primary choosers in the dating realm—there's an observable pattern. After engaging with numerous young women, I've distilled a hypothesis on how women select partners that lead to a troubled life.

Today, the primary platforms for these selections are online dating sites (a complete mess deserving its own discussion) and nightlife venues. Imagine the scenario: semi-intoxicated, your emotional compass skewed. The default choice? The charming ones. The conventionally attractive. The ones who've honed their charisma through countless interactions, the typical bad boy, who is extremely good at convincing you that you are the most important person in the universe at that moment. They can easily send you on an ego trip, and most women can be easily swayed by it. All of this leads to a disproportionate dating dynamic where the top 20% in looks might be involved with 80% of the women. But think: if a man can access such a vast 'market', what's his incentive to commit? I'm not branding all attractive men as unreliable, but excessive attention, especially for unearned attributes, can easily foster narcissism. Do you know something about narcissistic people? They can easily manipulate you and can be real charmers. While numerous individuals who act righteously and work diligently are sitting at home, frequently overlooked. When considering a life partner, does their appearance truly matter? Physical allure won't shield you from your life's challenges. Sure, there's a confidence boost in dating someone striking, but you still have to battle your own demons. Youth might let you feign invulnerability, but time reveals all facades. So it's better to choose who supports you and stands by you in the worst of times when you are fighting the hardest battles of your life. All these people who make you feel like queens or sway you with their charisma have no incentive to be with you in tough times. Why should they even bother with your mess, they are primarily looking to have fun, and helping someone to fight their demons is not fun. And yet, despite knowing all this, most of you will still choose the hottest guy in the room.

Our consistent missteps in choice originate from being overwhelmingly emotion-driven. It's vital to differentiate decisions from emotions. This isn’t an advocacy for emotional suppression. Instead, it's about pausing, allowing emotions to settle, and then making a rational choice. Emotions are fleeting, and often, logical decisions outlive emotional ones. Still, the trap of seeking emotional highs leads many back into toxic patterns. Pursuing the intoxicating feelings of past relationships, they inadvertently repeat past mistakes. Momentary euphoria can lead to long-term consequences. People are so stuck with how they used to feel with their ex-partners that they keep pursuing immoral actions to find that feeling again. 

Even when we recognize what's right, life often places us at a crossroads of anguish. Imagine being deeply in love, confident that someone is your perfect match, having shared every dream and hope. Yet, your dedication to your craft or career anchors you oceans apart. They face societal pressures to marry while you're bound by ambitions of building a business. The heart-wrenching choice leaves a mark; whatever path you choose involves giving up something cherished. Making them wait while you chase dreams feels unjust. 

Even when all seems right, circumstances often misalign, leading us to pain. As time passes, we comfort ourselves with the notion that things happen for a reason. The heartbreak, though harrowing, was a catalyst for growth, molding us into resilient individuals. The story we tell ourselves after dreadful experiences shape our perception and ultimately our happiness. Consider it this way: Do we shelter our children from all adversities or equip them with the strength to face their battles? Similarly, life's choices shape us, whether they lead to joy or pain. Their true worth is only apparent with the wisdom of hindsight. 

I'm convinced that life's ledger always balances. While it might seem some evade the consequences of their actions, in the end, no one truly escapes the ripple effects of their deeds - what some term as 'karma'. I truly believe that no one gets away with anything in life. It might appear so in the moment, but in the long run, you can't escape karma. And how can you? Everything you do in life has an effect on your surroundings and, more importantly, on your own mindset. And if everything affects your mindset, how can you not get affected by karma. Let's be very clear here that we don't live an objective reality but the perception we've created of the objective reality. And we don't suffer from our reality but our own perception. So if everything affects our perception, we automatically suffer from the choices we make.

I don't have an answer to how not to suffer, but all I can say is that we all know that there are certain paths we shouldn't take. We might not be aware of what's right, but more often than not, we know what's wrong. It's better to walk the path of righteousness than at least you minimize your suffering. I'm not telling you this from some higher moral ground but because I love you all, and it will break my heart to see any of you go through hell.