Dishonesty: It's everywhere

One of the hardest things to manifest in life is honesty. It doesn't come easily and needs an extreme amount of courage, strength, and wisdom. But here's the funny part about honesty, everyone thinks that they are honest, and almost no one will agree with the idea that they are dishonest. But why honesty is tough and why do people lie about it? There are three primary reasons for this, firstly, it is mentally exhausting to convince oneself of the truth than to accept a false idea. Secondly, most people can't see past the short-term benefit and thus they will lie in order to gain that particular advantage or opportunity. And lastly, one's brain doesn't want to associate bad things with their own self-image. Let's talk about the association of lies with self-image. One thing that evolutionary biology is super clear on is that our brain is not evolved to show us the truth, contrary to popular belief, it evolved primarily to protect oneself from the dangers of the world. Our brain only reveals things that are going to help us in survival nothing else. Without deep thinking and contemplation, one is always going to choose the easy and more comfortable path and the brain won't shy away from making one accept a lie rather than a truth if the lie needs less amount of processing. To reject a lie, the brain needs to do a tremendous amount of work and it's mentally painful to break the existing neuro circuits and make new ones to process the truth. And that is the reason why we have the term called confirmational bias. For those who don't know what confirmational bias is, it is the tendency to accept or look for the arguments that support one's already pre-assumed beliefs. In other words, reaching the conclusion first and then finding the arguments to support it. 

Honesty is hard, but do we even understand what honesty means? Most people think that honesty is just limited to not cheating on their romantic partner, it is definitely part of being honest but in no way this encompasses the full breadth of honesty as a virtue. Honesty comes up in a lot of different places and scenarios. The biggest dishonesty we show is often not with others but with the lies we tell ourselves on a daily basis. If one often feels bored, dissatisfied, and demotivated with their work that's the dishonesty they have with their work. Now we might lie to ourselves, that we are only dissatisfied with our work otherwise we are honest, but in reality, nothing could be further from the truth. Another common example of dishonest behavior is people telling you that they didn't call you because they were busy, no one is ever going to say that they didn't call you because you are not important enough. People are shit scared of getting an evaluation of their character. Now, this might seem like a small thing but believe me, this permeates every dimension of our lives. For instance, we often blame situations and luck for not being able to earn more money, find a romantic partner, clear an exam, or do any other challenge instead of critiquing our own incapabilities. We spend more time on our hair than working for our soul. When was the last time we openly asked for criticism? When was the last time we looked at ourselves in the mirror and said I'm going to work on this virtue? When was the last time we pushed hard to think about the most daring and courageous people? When was the last time we chose to lose in the short term in order to keep our virtue intact? When was the last time we chose to not get angry when someone said something bad about us but it was actually true? People will often say that they don't get affected by others' opinions, don't judge others, and get jealous, but all of this goes away the moment you remind them of the incidents where they didn't hold up to the virtue of honesty. The moment they have to question their morality, they will get super angry. The only response I hear in such cases is a dishonest response going something like this, I'm a changed person now, you don't know me enough, that was in the past or some other bull shit. One's behavior doesn't change that easily, it's only possible when they have gone through some major suffering or made tremendous efforts to understand psychology and listen to great personalities for years at stretch.

Honesty comes at a price and that is losing in the short term, it comes with a whole lot of judgment from friends, family, and society. No one goes and says it openly that they are jealous of their friend's success. No one goes and says that they have a terrible relationship with their family, instead of working on it we often choose to keep it going as it is. But why should one be honest at all, what's there to get out of honesty? Because too much honesty often breaks relationships, makes one look bad in front of others, and often causes loss in terms of money and opportunities. And the answer to this is that in the long term, honesty makes us strong and more stable, making us less susceptible to outside opinions and judgments. Honest people know that they will be responsible for their own happiness because they know their truth. Talk about any great personality, they were damn honest about everything in their lives, both with themselves and to the world. The ultimate reward for honesty is greatness. Yes it is true that one will lose a lot of people in their life because most people can't handle the truth but it is also going to give them a chance to truly form a lifelong bond, that is able to take any emotional and situational storm head on. If one can't be honest all the time, at least try not to lie. Rather stay quiet than lie. Not every truth needs to be spoken, some truths are only meant for our souls. Honesty is the rarest of the virtue I see in people and it's just because they are scared little people inside, trying to be cool or powerful in front of others.

At last, I want to leave everyone with this quote:

"Saying something a thousand times is not going to make it true, only following up on that action is going to make it true."