The easy complex life

Let me start by saying that almost none of us know what we are doing and why are we doing it, but still some appear sorted while others are befuddled. I don't know about you but I did everything I wanted and still always ended up in the place where I never wanted to be. Wait wait,,,, before you attribute this to sadness, let me tell you that even though life didn't pan out exactly the way I imagined it, but nonetheless, I'm satiated with what I have. I don't know how happy I could have been if everything would happen according to the plan, I guess I would never know. So many choices, crises, happy-sad moments all of us face on a regular basis, but in retrospect, everything looks fine and that's why I call it the easy complex life. Life might look very tough and challenging in moments but everything smoothes out in the longer run. No matter how many tough decisions and challenges we face, everything looks simpler while glimpsing and wondering about the past.

So many dreams, so many wishes, few came true few didn't. Like I said the easy complex life, at first, I wanted to be a soldier but later on, I found other ways to serve society and that was through my research. Next came the burning desire to become a singer, but the sudden change in my voice due to adolescence shattered my dream. Only after 8 years, did I make peace with that decision, and to my surprise I got better at playing music than singing. I gave up on the dream to become a singer but never left the side of music. Even today, I still play my guitar every day and on a few lucky occasions, I even write my own songs. I did pursue music but in a different sense. Related to this, was my inability to conceptualize in my mind that I could become a writer. Not only did I start writing but recently I even started earning through my writings, I couldn't have been more proud of myself that I earned through something which at one point I couldn't even conceptualize. Fun fact, I wrote my first poetry sitting in a loo, as it is often said that the greatest ideas come from sitting in a toilet, this literally became true in my life as I typed my first few lines on my phone while sitting in a toilet. There were quite a few things I didn't want to do or liked but life had completely opposite plans for me. For instance, I hated coding in school because I had this misconception that it's not logic it's just remembering the syntax. Boy Oh boy, I couldn't have been more wrong. At that point in my life, I used to say that I will beg, borrow or steal but never would I do coding in my life, now look at me, I became a huge fan of coding and logic. Another dream was to become a professor to do research, but I lost interest in that and found my solace in the industry while doing my own independent research at the same time. I had the best of the ideas when I planned not to go into academia. I hated giving any care to my body and nutrition and now I fondly talk to other people about nutrition and neurobiology. All my life I never ate proper food and now I eat more veggies in a day than I used to eat in a week probably. The biggest change in my life came along with my bachelor's. From the unsocial, shy, pretty forgettable, and scared kid in the school to the most social, confident, unforgettable, and badass dude's journey was also pretty remarkable for me. I never imagined going out of the country let alone working among the Europeans. And as I said, almost everything happened opposite of what I wanted to initially have. The biggest and most unsettling change was to become quiet, reserved, and anti-extrovert after spending 4 years of bachelor's with the craziest people I have ever come across. One thing that I still yearn for every day is to get back to my college gang. I hung out with everyone there, most of the people were there just for timepass but among those fuckrsss, I found a few absolute gems, nothing short of real brothers. I still haven't made peace with that and this thing is probably going to trouble me for a few more years. I wish I had the superpower to not yearn for my brothers, the only place where I never put up an act or maybe gave my most honest performance. 

Things have changed a lot after coming to Europe, slightly cocky and rude me wouldn't have survived here. I had to become more humble in my tone and mannerisms. I found a few very good souls, but almost everyone was morally weak. The things I could say to them or the liberty I could take with them was limited. Time went by and things became a little bad, now I could easily read their weaknesses, the initial attraction was probably due to the newly found urge of making friends. Half of them are crying for non-sensical issues, who said what about whom. Someone didn't share with them what they were eating. Things like this don't even pop into my mind let alone talk about these things for hours behind someone's back. But I don't blame anyone for this, everyone has their own hypocrisy and priorities. I find that most of the people I know here are very feeble-minded, they can't think about bigger things in life, and all their problems and hardships are meaningless to me. But the thing is that what I find problematic will be idiotic for a person more successful than me. But I guess I'm self-aware of this fact and that is what I feel is necessary and separates me from the rest. Everyone thinks that they are smart and intelligent but the matter of fact is that there is nothing to back that up. Watching random youtube videos is not going to make you smart. It may present you with a lot of facts, but smartness and intelligence are built by undertaking things that are hard to finish off like some lecture series. If it's very enjoyable then it's definitely not teaching you a lot. Bringing change is a hard thing and not everyone is capable of that. I genuinely believe that all the people I've met here are very decent people that doesn't mean they will behave or act in a proper manner. It is just that most of them are suffering from short-sightedness and that's what makes them susceptible to feeling bad for inconsequential things. A lot of people I meet here have this feeling that being nice is equivalent to good person. Let me be honest here, decency and niceness amount to jack shit when it comes to being a good and just person. I've been fortunate enough to find brothers like Soni and Danny, and I barely talk to them with decency. Trust has nothing to do with decency, it all boils down to your moral strength. And to all my friends who think that they are mentally strong, I just wanted to ask you, if you picked all your moralities and sensibilities from the idiots around you, how can you even think that you are morally strong. Moral strongness only comes from either suffering or spending a great time reading great people. 

At last, I would just like to say that don't try to be decent and nice all the time because decency doesn't get you out of the sticky situations it is your moral strength that will help you to tackle the challenges of the easy complex life.