Things that have started pissing me off

As I grow older and wiser, I find myself in disdain for a lot of talks I hear around myself. Earlier, I enjoyed even the most meaningless and utter bullshit conversations but now as soon as I hear something that is boring or not adding value to my thoughts, I tend to overanalyze it. Back in college, I could talk and talk for hours without getting exhausted but now I get tired very easily if the talk is not interesting. A voice inside my head or a demon starts poking in my mind whenever I hear things that are not adding value or not pure bakchodi. This inside voice is real, whenever Socrates was about to do something wrong a demon in his mind used to stop him and that's how he decided what is right and wrong all his life. It's not that I don't like bakchodi anymore, it's just that after enjoying it for a few hours I need some alone time to reflect upon what I talked about and did in those hours full of bakchodi. As I've started observing people a little more closely, I find that almost everyone I meet has some serious fundamental flaw of which they are mostly unaware. Everyone has flaws but the only thing that I think I'm doing differently than most of the people I know is to realize and accept that I have unresolved issues in my life. I'm not trying to run away from my flaws instead, I'm analyzing them till I find the root cause of them. 

Even though I've met many successful people in the last year but I find some glaring flaws in them, which makes me question the relationship I'm forming with them. I might be totally wrong in the analysis, it is totally possible that it was always like that. As you grow wiser, you often start to see the facade of the world. I'm becoming more impatient and discontent in my life, but as one of my friends said to me, it means I'm growing and learning. My current goal at the personal level is to, analyze what I speak, speak in a cogent manner, speak less, listen more, speak humbly, try to talk in points, and also take feedback on whether the person I am talking to is understanding what I'm saying. In short, be like Jordan Peterson in the way I speak. Be a fucking beast and rip everything apart with your logic. Being softer makes you vulnerable, that doesn't mean you should be rude to people. It's just that start standing for your own thoughts and beliefs firmly. It doesn't even matter whether that belief is right or wrong, but the very act of standing for what you believe is courage in its purest form. Have the courage even to stand against all your past ideas. There is a thin line between becoming staunch about your ideas, and firmly standing your ground. Firmly standing your ground doesn't mean that you should give up logic, it's just that whatever you believe, try to have as much logic as you can. Try to negate it initially and find all sorts of the counter to what you want to believe. Start questioning your ideas, the more you question your ideas stronger and logical they start becoming. This logic is becoming a very important part of my life, and it certainly hasn't made me look down on emotions. I've grown more logical and more emotional at the same time which seems counterintuitive in the first go. One thing I've been working really hard is keeping my emotions away from my decision especially financial and family-related. It's almost impossible to completely separate them away but still, a try should be given to it. A decision taken emotionally has the ability to turn your life into both heaven and hell, and you can't project which way is it going to go. Bringing logic to your decision will keep your life in a much more neutral state. I would rather have a neutral state than be ecstatic at one moment and utterly depressed in another. Becoming more neutral gives you better control of your happiness and life in general. 

I have lost the sense of clarity in my life as of now, I find it extremely tough to explain what I'm going through. Sense of clarity is the thing that brings peace and content to your life. I think for hours and hours about the moral dilemma of human life and the misery of my own life. How come I'm still dissatisfied with so much good already present in my life. It starts hurting your mind pondering about these ideas, it starts making you anxious and in some cases even makes you angry and infuriated at the very complexity of human life. You feel agitated not on any particular person or thing but on the question of why life can't be simple. I have reached such a point in my life that I can't stop analyzing things, I can't be the one whose thoughts are just concentrated on himself and life is just about having fun. I have started to hate the idea of seeking fun only, fun is important but not the most important. The funny thing about fun is that even if you have a little less fun your life doesn't get better or worse. But for me, if I don't get intellectual stuff I start getting anxious. It's like pizza is super good and fun to eat, but a regular Indian meal is something that keeps me functioning. The problem with fun is that as soon as it is over your life again goes to being boring and distasteful. That's where content comes in, it keeps you happy in all aspects of life, no matter what you are doing in your life. And to make my life a bit easier and less stressed I've taken my life towards watching shit such that I don't overanalyze things.

"Life is long and it's better to be on a train that goes at a steady speed, rather than on a roller coaster of emotional highs and lows" ~ Unkown