Complicated life lessons

'Entire life is a misconception and all of us should thrive to remove as many as possible' ~ Unkown

Career: The most important thing for almost every one of us, right? Yes, it is important but there is a thin line between a career in life and career as life. You go and ask people, who are they? Often they reply something like Alex, Manager at XYZ corporation. Some people have fully imbibed their office personality into their personal lives. Everyone during college time was fighting to get the highest salary possible. All those who ended with a hefty package, still yearn for more. It's a vicious circle and almost none could escape it. Let me demonstrate what I meant to say by an example, you earn 50k and your expenditure is 30k, rest goes into saving. After a raise, your salary reaches 70k and your expenditure becomes 45k, again, rest goes into savings. Instead of enjoyment brought by extra money people savors the idea of having more money in their account. You could've spent 45k in the previous salary as well, but you never did that because that extra spending was not something that you really wanted, it was something you did just because of the raise you got. Promotions bring only momentary joy in our lives and give us a sense of security, nothing else. People don't enjoy the extra money, they just enjoy the fact that they are having more money in their accounts. So, is there anything better than this? I think having the skills and confidence to know that you can sustain yourself well in any situation is better than running the rat race of getting ahead of the curve. This approach takes off the pressure of the competition that is ever-present, especially, in big corporates. Another thing which concerns me is that people have no social life left apart from drinking bear on weekends. I often ask people, What they do for themselves, not in terms of monetary or professional gain? Most of them say, nothing. People go to the office on weekdays, probably a bar on weekends, and this pretty much sums up their entire life. Exploration is rarely seen in big corporates and life outside the office is indeed very limited. Everyone living the same boring life with almost zero satisfaction despite getting huge salaries. Don't go crazy about building your career, explore other aspects of your life. Once you learned what you want from life, you will choose your career instead of the other way around it. Generally, people who chose their own careers are much less tensed about getting promoted or a raise as compared to the people following the rat race of corporates. That's why artists and professors can be seen utterly content with their lives because of their passion for their work. Most of us choose a career to earn money, but if you'll choose a career just because you like that work, the chances of getting more money and content will surely increase. There are many aspects of having a satisfying career in life, this includes a sense of service towards society, a decent paycheck, constant challenges, and the feeling of creating something unique. To know more about a satisfying career read about a Japanese concept called 'IKIGAI'. Here's a short version of IKIGAI: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zxj3P0enJNQ&t=345s

Friendship: Probably the most important thing to feel happy and satisfied in our lives. I've thought about friendship a lot but it always seems a little confusing to me. People often ask, who is your best friend? I don't have a best friend, but I definitely have great friends. There are dimensions and types of friends you posses and each one serves a different purpose in your life. So, there are few people with whom you spent most of your time, are those guys your best friends? I don't think so, they are fun to be around but that's just it. On the other hand, there are people with whom you spent negligible time, but still, they are far more trustworthy and reliable than the ones you spent your time with. Other kinds are those who see you as a great person and respect you way too much and in some way even idolize you. These people are also very trustworthy but their trust comes from their respect towards you whereas in the previous case trust comes from the weightage of your relationship and their great character. Others include people who don't treat you well but due to some unknown reason, you are still friends with them. Probably, you don't want to finish off the great friendship you initially had. So, people who make you happy, are those your real friends? But, you can be utterly content and happy watching a bunch of children playing in the park. You may say that your best friend is the one with whom you can share every personal detail of your life. I don't agree with this, generally, we are too scared of letting people know of our dirty secrets and shortcomings. Once you fully accept your truth, you can share the most embarrassing moments of your life with anyone. On multiple occasions, I've proudly stated my shortcomings and embarrassing moments in front of everyone. I don't pretend that my life is perfect and just like my success, I wear my failures all the time. Again, who is a true friend? No one, there are a bunch of people you know, some are little closer, some are little more trustworthy, some are little more fun to be around, and some are little more understanding. If you'll truly explore friendship you'll come to know that no single person can fulfill all these requirements. Once you get close to someone, you either stop searching for other great people or you just keep telling all your secrets to a single person, thus giving you the impression of having a best friend.

Watch this Simon Sinek talk on how technology is thwarting our ability to make really good friends. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=la1lRcq2-LU

Tip: If you want to make really good friends, start sharing your embarrassing moments as this tends to give the other person a feeling of being someone important in your life thus making your bond stronger.

Judging others: This is something I'm struggling to this day, it's almost inevitable to not judge people. No matter how many times you hear the phrase 'Don't judge a book by its cover', but you always end up judging people based on how they look and behave. A couple getting real close in public space, your mind is forming opinions about them, people overly dressed in a sober place and it starts again. No matter what people say, I'm 100% sure that people are always gonna judge others on some or the other front. It's inevitable because that's how we've psychologically evolved. Our brains are wired to make automatic judgments about others’ behaviors so that we can move through the world without spending too much time or energy on understanding everything we see. Sometimes we engage in more thoughtful, slow processing of others’ behaviors. You might recognize this as ruminating on what your friend or coworker said that bothered you or was out of character for them. Judging per se is bad, this makes you behave rudely or in some cases even worse. See the difference in the level of people's anger if a Mercedes owner scratches their car (let's say a swift) and a vegetable seller scratches it. In the former situation, most people will avoid fighting and quickly make a settlement whereas in latter, first, they'll hit the seller and then only talk about any kind of settlement. Judgment will always be present but always try to be mindful of your behavior in public. This is the only thing that makes you treat people in a fair manner.

Social Image: This is something that affects many among us. There are a ton of people who are always looking for external validation in forms of likes and comments on their photos and post. I'm not saying that everyone posts stuff to show off, but a lot among us do. If you create some music, or something artistic, then it is fine to expect likes and comments but why people have this burning desire of getting likes for petty things like eating a dish at a restaurant? I'm not saying that its bad to post such photos, all I'm saying that it's idiotic to expect it to reach to a maximum number of people as if it is something productive or entertaining. This is a very deeply rooted problem in our society, many among us feel ashamed traveling via bicycles, guys feel ashamed traveling via splendor, but scooty is fine though, girls choosing cabs over public transport as it looks cheap for them to travel via public transport. People have gotten into such a state where projecting a social image has become their reality. One of my friends puts his Insta bio as 'Peripatetic' (Firstly, I had to look this word up in the dictionary), I'm pretty sure that he copied this from someone else's bio. My question is, why pretend to have such an awesome vocabulary? "I'll treat dogs and cats better than you" this is what people are putting on their social media bios, do these people even acknowledge how derogatory this sounds? The social image shouldn't be your primary basis for all your decisions. It's well known that Steve Jobs always wore the same clothes, just to save himself the time and energy of choosing the different cloth every day. I'm not saying that you should wear the same clothes every day, but being able to do that as well should be preached. To date, I've met only a handful of people who've gotten over this completely. Once you are totally comfortable wearing a plain shirt and trousers at your brother's wedding then you are over the burden of looking good and acceptable. All I'm saying is that what clothes you wear shouldn't stop you from having fun at a party. Social image is important for most of us, and the only thing which makes us overcome this burden is having the self-validation and confidence in our life. 

Tip: The goal is to be cool, not to look cool.